Should I?

My heart is indeed full of turbulance right now. The train of thoughts just refused to halt. Once, i was betrayed by my dearest friend. Now, another similar incidence struck my face. You are ironic. You are a paradox. You are an oxymoron. You keep telling me, please confide your anxiety and burden and thoughts onto me, you keep telling me that you want to share these things with me and walk the same path to me. Yet, what have you done? You have betrayed me.
My mind is clouded with memories of you. The more i recall them, the more i sense my surging emotions reach the peak in my mind, want to erupt violently. But, should i? Now, i realize, the helplessness of mine, unable to change what had been done. How i wish i am a God who can turn time around, stopping that moment to occur, how i wish i am not who i am right now, how i wish that i have died when i attempted my first suicide. If i slap your face, kick your butt and violently mock you, what good would it be? I will let you go, i will not hold any grudge over you nor will i hate you. Why must i feel furious? Frustrated? Upset? As what my sis told me, feeling these things, for what? the most, they will make you even feel more miserable. Hence, i decided to stay strong, none of this shall affect me anymore.

"A friend whom you trust most is a friend whom will cause you misery"

LOVE? what do you mean by love? Is it your sadness when you did not meet your "love"? Is it the fast-beating of your heart when you glance at your "love"? Or is it the urge to care for your "love"? How do you define Love? You told me, you love me. But what kind of love is that? You love me, but what have you done? You may think i am oblivious to the things you have written. Excuse me, you can't lie to me. I know what you have been trying to do. If you think i will be affected, let me stress this point to you: I WILL NOT. I indeed regret whatever i have done to you, but i will not let you disturb my peaceful life. Go, open a new chapter of yours, n so i will. You sms-ed me, saying how happy you were these past few days. Well, good to you, though i do really know the subtlety behind them.

In case you never know, who i am right now, partly is caused by you.